ML and I separated about 3 weeks ago due to my discovery of some hidden camera footage he had taken of my sister while she was staying in our home. Since the discovery, he’s been staying in motels and has been desperately looking for a place to stay during our six months apart. He’s been keeping me posted on some of the available options. One particular place belongs to a man that is also separated from his wife, and who’s 20 year old daughter also stays there at times. Everytime he’s brought up this particular room, I’ve tried to express the obvious: that having a 20 year old female around him (especially with his problem of voyeurism) is very dangerous situation for him and that young girl. Sometimes he would get defensive and exclaim that he’s not a monster! Othertimes, he seemed to get it and started looking at other options. I’ve been trying to set my boundaries, but also allow him make his own decisions. Sure enough, today he casually mentions that he is going to sign the lease for the room with the man & his 20 year old daughter later on tonight. Of course, I FLIPPED OUT!! I said – If I didnt make myself clear earlier, then I’m going to be very clear: I 100% disagree with you moving in there. And if you do, I’m going to take your actions as those of someone who does not wish to work on his marriage.
He says he feels that no matter what he does, I will never trust him again. And that if he thought he was putting himself in a risky situation, he wouldn’t do it. He can no longer continue living in and out of motels and he wants to settle down, and according to him, this is his only choice. There are always other choices. I suggest he stay in the motel until a more suitable option comes along. He continues to say he can not bear to be inconvenienced another day in the filthy motel. Are you kidding me???? What about the HUGE inconvenience of what he’s done to our marriage?? What about that fact that my life has undergone a complete 180 and I’m still trying to work it out ?? What about the fact that I am possibly going to lose my family over this mess?? A few extra weeks in the motel is a SMALL price to pay.
He maintained that he was signing that f**kin’ lease tonight. And that if I am going through so much pain, that I should just leave him for good. What??! Just the other day, he kept saying how he really wants to save our marriage and how he’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to me. I can’t bare it. Is this some wicked form of sabotage?? Does he really want to end our relationship? Or is he soooo MESSED UP that he can’t even grasp the severity of it all?? I established my boundaries very clear. If he signs that lease tonight, he is making the CHOICE to abandon the possibity of saving our marriage. I hope he chooses to not sign the lease. But if he doesn’t make that decision, I really dont know what I’m going to do….
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