Holy Peeps!

Last year, my coworker introduced me to the annual “Peeps Diorama Contest” held by the Washington Post. Yes, Peeps!  You know, the Easter marshmallow treat that comes in pastel colors? Though I do not possess a single creative bone in my body, I truly admire all things “artsy”, albeit dorky at times.  The entries in 2008 [...]

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Lifted Spirits

I had a very productive day yesterday. I think the S-Anon Intergroup meeting gave me the hope and the strength I so desperately needed.  For the past few weeks, I’ve been behind on my work at the office.  I just couldn’t seem to focus and I was running to the ladies room for mini meltdowns [...]

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The Butterfly Story

For the past few weeks, I’ve been struggling with my “place” in recovery – where I am (or not) suppose to be. I beat myself up because I’m not further along in my path to recovery, and then sometimes, I resent having to do recovery work at all!  In addition, I’ve been questioning my husband’s [...]

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Who’s Watching the Door?

This is my fourth week attending the Buddhism workshop classes. The classes are held in a cozy little studio. There is only one door in the front that faces a semi busy sidewalk with a large storefront window. This center is located in a nice, quiet neighboorhood which borders a not so nice town. As [...]

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Something Blue

My coworker got engaged over the Easter holiday weekend. Ever since getting engaged, she’s been running around the office planning for her wedding in February. As I worked my way towards her desk to congratulate her on the recent engagement, I could hear her on the phone fighting with a wedding vendor. It was a [...]

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Stockholm Syndrome

I am experiencing what I believe to be a case of Stockholm Syndrome. Though ML’s addiction is the source of most of my pain and suffering these days, I can’t help but to rely on him for emotional support.  Ironically, when I was on an emotional downward spiral caused by his relapse, he was the [...]

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Facelift

I created this blog on a very sad and dark day.  I needed a place to vent, but the idea of an actual diary didn’t appeal to me.  I was also looking for a hobby to keep me busy during my separation. Soon enough, I was introduced to the world of blogging!  What started off as [...]

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Letter from a Friend

Today, I felt so emotionally broken down and lost. I’ve been sinking deeper and deeper into depression, feeling defeated and alone.  However, this afternoon I was blessed to receive a letter from a special “real world” friend with whom I’ve shared my story. The letter was completely unexpected, but it gave me the glimmer of [...]

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Back to Square One

As I was walking ML out of my apartment, I decided to ask him how things were going with his sobriety. He said everything was going well, that he had not masturbated or looked at pornography in the past few weeks.  I said it was wonderful news!  However, I wanted him to know that I’m [...]

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Partly Cloudy with a Chance of Rain

I hate sunny days. This morning I woke up to what seemed like a scene out of a Disney movie. The sun was shining, birds chirping, deer frolicking and I was the ugly ogre hidden away in my dark, ominous cave. If I didn’t have to make a living to afford my “cave”, I would [...]

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