There’s not much going on at the moment. Actually, more like a lot of “nothingness”. Or at least that’s how I feel. ML and I decided to continue with our plans to move back in together in August. The trip was clearly a rude awakening for the both of us. Though ML clearly crossed a boundary during said trip, I also found myself slipping into some very dangerous waters in his absence. There has been a vast disconnect between us, and the rift keeps getting wider with each passing day. At this point, I don’t believe prolonging the separation will do either of us any good. It is definitely not making the heart grow fonder. So, we continue with our plans for reconciling in the hopes that things will eventually clear up, and we may finally see what God has in store for us. Because we’ve decided to move forward with our plans, we are also in the search for a new apartment. Our current apartment is way too triggering to allow for a proper fresh start. I hope a geographical cure will help lessen the emotional baggage. We need as many positive things working in our favor as possible.
As far as my personal life goes, work is a big ball of BLAH! I haven’t been happy with my job for a very long time. I initially came to work at this firm as part of a team transition. My boss and I took a leap of faith into these unfamiliar waters. Now, I’m getting the sense that she will be leaving the company (on her own) to pursue other business endeavors. And though she has informed me of possible opportunities with the new company, it would not be a “team transition” like it was the last time. So there is the very big possibility that she will be leaving without me and moving on to bigger and better things. Though I understand her motives in moving (she’s not closing enough sales to sustain her family), this feels very reminiscent of the time ML left our home (our joint venture) – leaving me behind with the bulk of the load and an overwhelming sense of abandonment.
Still, I refuse to let these changes drag me down. I believe I’ve been left behind in these murky waters so that I may find my own path ashore. I realize that these new developments are probably for the best – for me and the others around me. Things have been on hold in my life for quite some time – first with my sister’s arrival and then with the sex addiction discovery. Life has been going on without me, and that was appropriate at the time; I needed to put the brakes on everything and untangle the mess in my life. However, I’m finally prepared to step in line with the rest of the world and start exploring my full potential – in my career, relationships and within myself – to see what God has in store for me next.
Good to see you trying to focus on yourself, first and foremost.
It can be hard not to worry for everyone else, but YOU deserve attention from yourself more than anyone.
♥HUGS♥
Have some hugs wrapped in love!!! Keep looking up, it will all get better ^_^
Sounds like you're doing an awesome job taking the reigns and hitting these challenges head on…good luck with all of the new endeavors!
Gosh, how many times I (we?) tried a geographical cure…but it was still the same people and the same dynamic, just different rooms. Once the boxes were unpacked, we were left sitting across from each other, basically unchanged.
I have hope for your hope, because I understand it so well. My hope is what is best for you, and that you remain focused on you and what you want.
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