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Archive for November, 2009

This weekend we picked “Secret Santa’s” at my mom’s house. ML picked Lori’s name and we had to switch names privately to avoid any awkward encounters. Lori wasn’t there to pick any names. So perhaps, she might end up selecting ML’s name after all is said and done. She, of course, wouldn’t be happy shopping for ML. Basically,they have avoided each other since everything came to the light and Christmas Eve will be the first time they are in the same room together for any amount of time. Lori says she’ll be fine, but I’m sure you’ll be able to cut the tension with a knife. My family still doesn’t know what happened between ML and Lori. The holidays are beginning to feel overwhelming!! We are already going out of town this week to skip the Thanksgiving drama. And now, I’m so close to skipping out on Christmas as well! I don’t want to ruin the holidays for everyone and I can already tell I’m going to be stressed out the entire time.  Though I want to enjoy the holidays with my family, maybe it’s selfish of me to hope that ML and Lori can ever be in the same room again. Just when I start think that life is starting to resemble normalcy, I’m reminded that it’s not.

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Hello Blog World!  It’s been a while.  Where do I begin?  Life has been good.  ML and I are adjusting to our new life together.  Like any other couple, we have some challenges.  But we are finding them easier to tackle together. I know I haven’t been present lately in the “blogosphere”. I think this has a lot to do with an internal shift I’ve been experiencing.   Though I still attend my weekly S-Anon meetings and therapy sessions, part of me wanted to focus on other areas in my life. I started a “real life” blog exploring some of my interests that have nothing to do with my S-Anon identity.  I took up yoga, which has been a nice addition to my usually non-physical activities.  My work situation has changed for the better since my last post and I feel like I can finally breathe again! I celebrated another year surrounded with family and friends.  Like my sponsor says: There’s been a lot of  “life” going on! 

Since the focus has not been on my husband’s program or the other codependent relationships in my life, the veil has lifted in those areas in my “own” life that need improvement.  As I type this post, I have an email sitting on my draft pile waiting to be sent.  It’s an email that will start the ball rolling on a major positive life change  – going back to school.  But, I am scared! For the longest time, I delayed the process for many reasons. First, I needed to make a living right out of college.  Then, I had my sister to take care of and help with her schooling.  Finally, I had the problem of  ML’s sex addiction and not being able to focus on anything else. It was one distraction after the next! However, all the exterior noises have quieted down and the timing couldn’t be better, yet I still fear clicking on the send button. Sending that email means that I start focusing on myself , my goals and dreams – something I haven’t done in a very long time. I figured I’d write this post to work up the courage necessary to finally send that email and get the ball rolling on something I’ve wanted to do for a long time.  What am I waiting for?  It’s time to try defying gravity!

 

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